Autism Sucks

My middle child is autistic. I may have mentioned it before (about 100 times.) But tonight it is really getting on my nerves. Really. Alot. It is now 2:17 am. She has been awake for almost 37 hours straight. Most of that time she has been playing DDR. I am having to sit up with her so that she does not destroy my house any further. I also have not slept in over 37 hours. Probably longer as she was napping when I left for work and woke up and today was my day off and she has been up all that time.

I love Darby. She is so precious to me. But the autism I could do without right now. OK, officially she had PDD-NOS. But she is the textbook High-Functioning Autism kid. It's just that her doctor doesn't like the "A" word so she has PDD diagnosis.

Today has been a rough day - insomnia aside. She has been constantly stimming with the DDR. On the same song. All day. We did take a break and go to the mall, where she did OK for a bit. She didn't want to stay long because it was crowded. She got that spacey look about 15 minutes in, and proceeded to walk into traffic TWICE on the way to the car. Being 10, she refuses to hold my hand like her little sister, but heck, she almost got smushed TWICE!

At home she is screaming at her sister for, no joke, "breathing in a funny way," and she is being very mouthy to me as well. She has refused to do any chores at all, and did I mention she's not sleeping.?

School starts in 17 days. I am dreading the school year as she will be in a regular classroom with other "normal" 4th graders. She does not interact socially with other kids, and every night is a battle with homework sometimes lasting 7 to 8 hours.

I also feel like a horrible mother to my 8yr old. She is a perfectly normal, smart, typical kid. But the energy Darby is sapping from me right now means that she is kind of pushed to the side. I hate it. I know it's the autism, I know she can't help it, and I know that in a day or two she will be back to normal. Whatever that is.

I'm sorry for venting all over the place, but it's just been one of those days. Tomorrow will be better - I get to babysit the amazing grand-baby for a couple of hours. All by myself. Maybe we will take a nap.