Autism Sucks

My middle child is autistic. I may have mentioned it before (about 100 times.) But tonight it is really getting on my nerves. Really. Alot. It is now 2:17 am. She has been awake for almost 37 hours straight. Most of that time she has been playing DDR. I am having to sit up with her so that she does not destroy my house any further. I also have not slept in over 37 hours. Probably longer as she was napping when I left for work and woke up and today was my day off and she has been up all that time.

I love Darby. She is so precious to me. But the autism I could do without right now. OK, officially she had PDD-NOS. But she is the textbook High-Functioning Autism kid. It's just that her doctor doesn't like the "A" word so she has PDD diagnosis.

Today has been a rough day - insomnia aside. She has been constantly stimming with the DDR. On the same song. All day. We did take a break and go to the mall, where she did OK for a bit. She didn't want to stay long because it was crowded. She got that spacey look about 15 minutes in, and proceeded to walk into traffic TWICE on the way to the car. Being 10, she refuses to hold my hand like her little sister, but heck, she almost got smushed TWICE!

At home she is screaming at her sister for, no joke, "breathing in a funny way," and she is being very mouthy to me as well. She has refused to do any chores at all, and did I mention she's not sleeping.?

School starts in 17 days. I am dreading the school year as she will be in a regular classroom with other "normal" 4th graders. She does not interact socially with other kids, and every night is a battle with homework sometimes lasting 7 to 8 hours.

I also feel like a horrible mother to my 8yr old. She is a perfectly normal, smart, typical kid. But the energy Darby is sapping from me right now means that she is kind of pushed to the side. I hate it. I know it's the autism, I know she can't help it, and I know that in a day or two she will be back to normal. Whatever that is.

I'm sorry for venting all over the place, but it's just been one of those days. Tomorrow will be better - I get to babysit the amazing grand-baby for a couple of hours. All by myself. Maybe we will take a nap.

I made Cables!!

After making the cable hat, I decided to take on something bigger - a whole sweater. I used to not like cable-knit sweaters. I didn't despise them or anything, I just wasn't into them. Then I decided to try this hat (of which I still have no pictures), and I was hooked.

Now I'm taking on this sweater (yeah, it's a pdf, sorry) with some major cables, and I still love it.

I snapped this pic on my desk at work today with my phone - the first time I've done that too.

In other news - got harlot's new book. She is, as always, brilliant. My family thinks I've lost my mind because I keep laughing out loud while reading it. I can't even take it with me to work or school because it's so funny. Thanks, Stephanie,for another wonderful read.

Boredom and the Internet....

I really shouldn't get on-line when I'm bored. I apologize in advance...

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Assassin. Where You Lived: Russia. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Yuriko Shigenoi

What's your Japanese Name?

Today, I Love my job.

I am busy sitting here doing, well, this. There is absolutely nothing going on, yet I am not allowed to leave. So I am getting paid to sit here and blog. And yes, I did ask if I could do "personal business" while at work since we're slow.


The baby is crawling now - and loves the kittens. We have actually gotten rid of 9 of them, along with both mamma cats. We kept one ( not this one though). The one we kept plays with her, and she couldn't be more thrilled.

Her mom is pulling her hair out - and going to buy a safety gate today to block miss priss out of the kitchen. I'm so enjoying it. I just can't wait until this baby is 12 and my daughter calls sobbing because her daughter hates her.

I'm out for spring break this week - I only have to work. This is nice because the kids are out too, and I'd probably lose my mind if I had to spend 11 straight days with them.

Hat is going OK, still found the black hole at around 6 inches. I've been at 6 inches for days. I know once I escape the black hole it'll all be over soon, but I'm getting startitis REAL bad.

Stalling Out

I have been so useless this past week. I've gone to work and school, but have done nothing useful around the house, and my studying has dropped to absolute zero. I have spring fever soooooo bad. And I'm not even going to go on vacation or anything - I'll actually be working extra. But I will be off of school, and those blessed three days I don't have to work will be spent sleeping late as I won't have to get the kids up for school either.

If blogger weren't being such a pain - I have some great pics of the baby. She's actually crawling now, and pulling to standing. So cute - and she's teething too. People keep asking me how often she's up at night - and I have no idea. I love being a grandmother.

Had to frog the hat down to the band - another picture I can't upload right now. I had knitted it with the cable facing out instead of in. Bassackwards. I discovered this as I started making the decreases for the crown. I'm knitting with Lion suede on plastic Lion Brand needles. Very squeaky. I can only knit so much before I have to quit because it makes my teeth hurt. Why do I not et some bamboo or balene (my favorite!) needles to knit on to avoid the squeaking? Because I took this up as a stash-buster project and wouldn't buying new needles defeat the purpose of knitting something to use up stuff i already have? No?? Guess in the morning after clinicals I'll stop by the LYS and pick up some squeak-free needles.

Taking One for the Team

Team DPN has its own medals - I love it!!! I really enjoyed the knitting Olympics. I hope we do it again. I know that even if there's no concerted world effort, that I could do it on my own. But it was so much more fun to think of all the other knitters out there doing the same thing, reading about everybody else having the same knitting trials and tribulations, and being part of something so big. A big thanks to Stephanie for the idea.


My knitting time has actually been crunched a little the past couple of days . I discovered this book by Maggie Sefton. I'm not usually into mysteries, my tastes run more to fantasy and sci-fi. But this book was delightful and prompted a trip to the local bookstore for the next in the series. I know, I know. I should be studying, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, whatever. But sometimes you just need to read a good book.

Finally took the girls to see Narnia yesterday. They totally loved it. I know it's coming out on DVD next month, but it is still in one of the local theaters, and still had a pretty good turn-out in spite of the fact that it's been playing forever. They have both read the books so they knew the story, and they both thought the screen rendition was spot-on, as did I. It was great. The only thing that bugged was that when the kids were standing outside looking at whatever vista, it looked like they were standing on set. You could really tell they weren't "there". All of the creatures were great though, the kids were fantastic little actors, and the script was faithful to the story.

I was going to post a pic of the grandbaby, but a link to my dd's web site will have to do. For some reason blogger is eating my pictures right now.

The medal stand

Yes, I cried as I stood on the medal stand and heard the National Anthem. All the blood, sweat and tears were worth it as I accepted my medal for Team DPN and for my country.

I'd like to dedicate this medal to my teachers, who had such boring classes I could sit in the back and knit, to my children, who didn't bother me too much. In spite of having to work, study, and provide basic care for my children and grandchild. In spite of having my wisdom teeth pulled, my dog eating my yarn, and the kittens in the house turning it all into a hue mess, in spite of needing sleep and food, I managed to make it.

I learned alot about my knitting through all this. I had picked a simple project because of everything I knew was going on in my life, but I think I underestimated myself. As a result of this, I have attempted my very first cable. I have re-organized my knitting stuff to make it more user-friendly, and less "pretty-looking". I have realized that I can do way more than I thought - and that it's good for my kids when I knit, because I'm actually sitting in the room with them instead of running around the house trying to catch up on all the housework I miss when I'm at work and school. Yes, the house is a disaster. But you know what? It's always a disaster. 10 minutes after I clean it's a mess again. Maybe I need to accept this as my BML (base messiness level) and just deal with it.

I have decided that knitting time is valuable time, and that I will try to make time to knit at least a couple of times a day. It doesn't matter if I have a bunch of UFOs. I will knit because I love it, and I will enjoy the process.

Olympic News and Other Stuff

First, I want to thank everyone for all the kind comments and emails after we lost Ms. Kitti. Ya'll really helped me.

Last week, my girls and I went to the shelter, just to look, and we came home with Jamie. She is the sweetest dog in the whole world, and has done alot to help my girls heal after losing Kitti. She's a 2yr-old border collie mix. She's sort of housebroken - she only goes in her crate or in the litter box. She absolutely will not go outside, but she hasn't messed anywhere else in the house either. While Kitti was my little snuggle-puppy, Jamie loves to run in the yard with the kids. She also loves the kittens we are fostering right now. I often find her carrying one around, or a couple of them curled up with her. Though she will never replace Ms. Kitti, she has already made her own place in our hearts and our family.

In Olympic news, I finished Kate. I had my wisdom teeth pulled Wednesday, so I thought I might have to pull a Michelle Kwan and drop out, but I made it!!! My grandbaby loves her, and I already have requests to knit more for my younger girls. I used left-over yarn from grandbaby's things to make Kate's body. I think I may do the same for my older girls too, using extra yarn from the sweaters I'm making them. This pattern is really quick - a good thing since my knitting time is severely limited this semester - and it turns our really cute. After I took this, I added an i-cord tail. Grandbaby likes to pull on the tail the best. And yes, I made her "sleeping" because I can't figure out how to embroider "awake" eyes to save my life.

It has actually been nice having the past couple of days off to just chill out. I haven't done much except sleep and watch TV. I missed several days of work and school, should have been studying, but having teeth pulled seemed like a good excuse to take a much-needed break.

In memoriam

One of my neighbors hit my dog this morning. I was running out in the street to get her, and instead of slowing down, or stopping, they just sped up. They didn't even stop after they hit her. Fortunately she died instantly, and didn't suffer.

She was my sweet baby - I rescued her from the pound - she was literally on death row because she was older, and she was "unsociable." The handlers at the pound couldn't handle her without her snapping. The day I came in, she ran up to the cage door as soon as I walked in. She acted like she had known me all of her life. Of course I brought her home - and she was wonderful. She was already housebroken, though if she had to go REALLY bad and nobody was home, she would go in the bathroom. She wasn't a yappy dog, but she would sometimes bark at the cats or noises outside. We would occasionally give her pizza crusts, which she would hide in various places around the house and protect. She never ate them, but she took good care of them.

She was also really good with the baby - she would let the baby pet her, though she did growl a little once or twice. We weren't worried about her biting though - she had no teeth. She used to sleep curled up next to me, and if I was ever sad or lonely she would curl up in my lap. She also liked to lay on my yarn while I was knitting, and was constantly getting tangled up.

I am going to miss her so much - I don't even know what to do. I have lost other pets before, but I guess this is just so sudden, and so senseless. I'm at work, and I went to school this morning, but I'm still in shock. I know she was "just a dog" but she was MY dog, and she still had several good years ahead of her.

I love you, Miss Kitti, and I miss you.

The Olympic Cast-On

I am now officially cast-on for the Olympics. And I've knitted 7 whole rows on Kate. It's so cool to think that all over the world other knitters were waiting (and waiting, and waiting, and waiting) for the torch to be lit. I don't think I've ever been so excited to see the torch enter the Olympic stadium, or to cast on a project either.

I plan to wake up early tomorrow, since I have to work, and get in an hour or so of knitting before I have to leave. I also plan to knit on my lunch break, and of course when I get home tomorrow night.

I do, unfortunately, have two tests next week, so I'm afraid I must take some time off to study. I guess I could sacrifice a couple of grades for the team - but if I get some good progress made by Monday, perhaps I can put Kate aside for a day or too without being too overcome with guilt.

Well, I'm off to bed - my kiddos crashed sometime during the parade of nations - middle child at about Serbia and youngest at the Koreas. Eldest has cast on for her Debbie Bliss Special Knits sweater. I'm wondering if she shouldn't have joined this team....

Preliminary Training....

The official name of the pattern I'm using for the Olympics is KATE. Isn't she adorable? I've raided my stash and decided to make a gray kitty with pink and purple pastel stripes. Since this is for the grandbaby, I'm making it to fit the color scheme of her room, and the cat itself will be closer in color to the cats we have. Thought about making the cat black, but I am determined to use up some of my stash on this project, and I own no black yarn at this time. I have the pink and purple left over from various baby things, and the gray left over from the Harry Potter socks I made for the book premiere.

On a slightly more somber note, I can only find 3 size 8 DPNs in my bag. I have nothing going on DPNs right now - the only UFO I have is a sweater for middle child that I'm working on my Denise needles. I use the Balene II DPNs. My daughters don't like them, they use Denise or bamboo needles. And nobody but me uses DPNs anyway. If they don't turn up by Friday I may have to go down to whatever size I have on hand. Not really a problem, since I'm making a toy and not a sweater - nothing worse for a math moron like me than having to recalculate stitches because my gauge is off.

Let the Games Begin

My daughter has talked me into it - joining the knitting Olympics. Since in doing so, I committed to completing a project in only 16 days, I have decided make a toy for the grandbaby. I'm doing the kitty-cat from knitty, and I'm planning to put jingle bells or something rattley in it.

That said, I am joining team DPN - for those of us knitting with (and poking people with) our DPNs during the event.

With school, and work, and getting divorced, I have very little time, but this may be just the thing I need to get my mind off things.

Let the madness begin......

Who am I?

You are Scarlett O'Hara. You are beautiful,
stubborn and despise the silly rules of
society. When times get rough, you are strong
enough to survive, although you would rather
save yourself than anyone else.

Which Character from 'Gone With The Wind' are you?
brought to you by

Back to School

The kids and I are all back in school. My first class was Friday, and my teacher assigned about 100 pages of reading over the weekend. Nothing like reading textbooks to induce long, deep sleep. The kids have no homework.

Wednesday we have orientation to the unit I work on - we're doing clinicals up there this semester. We have to be in uniform, meet at the school, then we're all going over to the hospital together. We have to park several blocks from the main hospital, walk over there, then ride the tram (if it's working) to the hospital where I work. Then I have to go back to my car and drive back to my hospital so I can go to work. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This semester I'll spend quite a bit of time driving the one mile between the parking lots for students and my assigned place. I'd leave my car in the student lot if security would give me a ride back to it at the end of my work shift, but they won't. What a friggin' waste of time.

Finally finished the alien scarf - it's in the dryer right now so I can wear it tomorrow. I decided to quit with 7 aliens. I'm ready to move on to the next project.

Tomorrow is my youngest child's birthday. Big plan - take cupcakes to school, go see her dad at the visitation center (hoping he will remember that it is her birthday), go out to dinner, and eat cake. I'm hoping to take them to see Narnia too, but I don't know if we'll make it. I also have class tomorrow - orientation to college. No laughing please. And yes, I do graduate next semester.

Happy New Year....

In the year 2006 I resolve to: Procrastinate more. Get your resolution here

Very cute automatic resolution generator, though some of the resolutions are a bit PG-13. Use with caution.